Tender Mercies...

I am reminded daily that is it mercies that are given that make life on Earth bearable. With all that said this has been an emotional and physically challenging season for me personally.

Our health has not been the greatest, mine mostly. So in turn the emotional and physical demands of mothering 4 young children have taken a toll on my spirit as I toil with my physical ailments. Yet, I am blessed with medical insurance and medical care in the best country in the world to address my health. And when I find a food allergy challenging, I am blessed to be in a country where food is abundant and I have money to make sure I am nourished (too well, in fact). I am also blessed with loved ones who will care for my children at a moment's notice so I can attend medical appointments. AND I have been blessed to have a nanny/fast friend care for my children when I needed to pay attention to my health. I don't know what I would do without any of their help.

The boys' preschool burned down along with the church attached to it. In all the devastation, there was never anger expressed but forgiveness, love, and hope at every turn. I can't describe the peace that overcame me as I sat in the parent's meeting as the preschool director told us about the new temporary location. Only four miles from our preschool home sat an empty fully furnished and stocked preschool. The congregation of the church did not have enough funds to staff the preschool so it sat empty until two weeks ago when there were 94 kids from Tualatin that no longer had a school to call their own. We start school again at the new building on Monday. I am so humbled by all the parents, teachers, and fellow Oregonians that came together for our little school. My children's lives are so blessed to have such dedicated and caring teachers who during their own loss and grief were busy ensuring the lives of the children they teach each day would be taken care of.

This pass week I finally laid to rest my first friendship I established here in Portland. I am sad yet, surprisingly at peace with it all. When I was saddened by the events surrounding the end I was held up by friendships that will long sustain me beyond this little bit of sadness. We had shared some of the most precious moments in my adult life. I think she will always have a place in my heart and I wish her well. But in the end our differences were far too vast to bridge any sort of relationship. So I am thankful for friendships that have their time and place. I am blessed with the knowledge that compassion and release are often the best cures for heartache.


Soon I will have a kindergartener and preschooler. In less than 6 weeks time I will no longer have a "baby". Lily turns 1 on Mother's Day this year. It also happens to be when she will be dedicated to The Lord at our church.  I am at odds with myself and struggling to figure out exactly what God wants me to do with my time and talents now that I am no longer bound by my fertility. Lily's dedication will be a bittersweet end for me. I looked forward to the day that I wasn't pregnant or ever be pregnant again but there is a very tiny tiny tiniest part of my heart that is a little sad that I will never carry another child in my womb. It's been my identity for the last 6 years. I almost don't recognize myself as anything else but a mother.



So for every tear that has come this season there has been a tender mercy administered. Relief given when my spirit, soul, or body was aching with need. Blessed beyond measure is all I can say to that.
I keep hearing the words of an old hymn; 

" No storm can shake my inmost calm while to that Rock I'm clinging. Since love is Lord of heaven and earth, how can I keep from singing? Through all the tumult and the strife, I hear that music ringing. It finds an echo in my soul. How can I keep from singing?"-Robert Lowry